Broken heart dilemma..any advice?

Broken heart dilemma..any advice?

okay i was with a guy for like 3years, lived together etc we were both living in another country where he was from so i only really had him where as he had loads of friends and family etc, i decided to leave cos i couldnt legally work there and we were having problems, ie i didnt trust him as he ran a night club in a tourist spot etc..

i came home and left him 1 year ago, with the intention of returning with visa etc cos i still loved him, however i found out he was seeeing other girls so broke up, up until then he would call me 1 to 3 times a day saying he wished id come back etc and just to talk, still saying i love u when we hung up phone etc, then, after i confonted him on phone bout cheaqting he admitted and we didnt talk for a few months, then he called saying missed me etc come back but after a few weeks he stopped calling and when i called stupidly, he said dont come back here i'm engaged to other girl and talking to u makes it too hard to move on..i was so upset .....

15 minutes ago - 3 days left to answer.

Additional Details

12 minutes ago

then he didnt call for a month and now started calling again saying he was lying to cut us off for good but now regrets it..do u think he is just doing this as im seciond best after this girl or was he lying ? very confused as to ignore him or follow my heart...also when i said i might go back there to se my dad he was like ummm ok, its all weird, but also if he had a gf why does he call me at night alone?he chops and changes his mind so much, one minute calling me 10 times a day saying how inlove with me and next dont hear for months and calls me but says im just calling u as a friend, what the hell?

9 minutes ago

also he has a cocaine habit where his moods are very up and down, do u think this has something to do with it?

Broken heart dilemma..any advice?windows vista ultimate

It all comes down to how you really think love works. maybe its a romantic heart or maybe its a cynical one that believes this, but what i think is that we each have one and only other half out there - its just meant to be. Most important thing I can think of, check yourself. If you really do know that he is the one, fight for it; if not, leave it be. the bottom line, if its meant to happen it will and whatever you do to get there, will be the right thing. sorry i cant give you any good advice on the details of what needs to happen. Either way, if love is the version i described, at least you might find solace in the fact that you know whether its meant to be or not.

i can tell you this, if you have a habit, cocaine, drinkin or otherwise, it affects everything, sounds like hes pretty bad to you, so either its not quite meant to be, or he just hasnt realized it yet. its obvious you still have considerable feelings, and they are true. its also clear that he is giving you signals, but hes doing the same to another woman, and more than anything, he is not clear headed, nor is he thinking strait (the two are synonymous right?).

best wishes in the end. sounds like youre strugglin. in any case, your not the only one in real pain. i deal by tryin to find the names of love songs in the bottom of 40s, turns out they didnt work like fortune cookies for love.

Broken heart dilemma..any advice?default browser internet explorer

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or

implore.

2. No frequent phone calls.

3. Do not point out good points in marriage.

4. Do not follow him/her around the house.

5. Do not encourage talk about the future.

6. Do not ask for help from family members.

7. Do not ask for reassurances.

8. Do not buy gifts.

9. Do not schedule dates together.

10. Do not spy on spouse.

11. Do not say "I Love You".

12. Act as if you are moving on with your life.

13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive.

14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc.

15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words.

16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING.

17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse.

18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what she will be missing

19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him/her someone he/she would want to be around.

20. All questions about marriage should be put on

hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while).

21. Never lose your cool.

22. Don't be overly enthusiastic.

23. Do not argue about how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger).

24. Be patient

25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you.

26. Learn to back off, shut up and possibly walk away.

27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh %26amp; focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil).

28. Be strong and confident.

29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest

CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write.

30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy.

31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.

32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because they are hurting and scared.

33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.

34. Do not backslide from your hardearned changes.

2 things to think about if you do this:

1) You have to do the 180 list NOT to be manipulative but because it's the right thing to do for you. You have to heal from this experience. You have to back off for your own sanity now. You have to have a plan and know that you will be a better person with or without them after all is said and done -- that you will live and learn and move on no matter what. So you have to be geniune when you follow these ideas, rather than faking it and being insincere because your only goal is to get them back. That's not what you want to do. Having a certain person as our spouse is not a need, it's a want. When I wrote down a list of all the definite needs in my life, I realized that almost everything beyond food, clothing and shelter is a want. 10 seconds after I looked at the list, I stopped making decisions based on emotion. That's when I realized that my wanting to have her was causing me to beg and plead for her to come back. That was driving her away more so I stopped doing it immediately. In doing my own version of the 180 list I could tell nearly an immediate change in her behavior.

2) Realize that when your spouse sees your new attitude they are very likely to be a little jealous or at least have some curiosity about what's going on in your life to cause this change. However, they very well may react the same way towards you for some time (especially if they read books or go to message boards also). REALIZE that this tactic can also work simultaneously on you if the spouse begins to likewise. Be aware of it and plan to have your own feelings of jealousy and curiosity in advance. However, like with #1 above, if you're doing the 180 list to better yourself and everyone involved, then it will matter less what they are doing.
All I can say is if you think you have heartbreak now, what's gonna happen if you permanently hook up with a coke-head?? Give it up; he is not worth sacrificing your happiness for!!! we women are so gullible!
I don't think there's one simple or easy answer to this. At least, there's no way to quickly solve your problem and make you feel better overnight.

You need to try and look at everything as dispassionately as possible. Try to be realistic and honest with yourself - ask yourself if all his inconsistent behaviour and his drug habit offers any chance of the good and stable relationship you want.

Sometimes it takes a very long time to make a clean and real break. And there's often a part of us that even at the very end, wants to cling on to some hope - regardless of the reality.

Good luck.
Go with your heart. If you have alot of family friends and support at home try having one of them set you up. Otherwise if you don't have alot of support at home why not go back over because what if you are meant to be and you don't?

added--

Maybe he is just as confused as you about what he wants. Just keep talking to him and feeling it out. If he can talk with you frequently then he should be able to have a relationship.